


Truth or Surrender

by spadeK



Category: Brat'ya Karamazovy | Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Gen, Internal Conflict, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Soviet Patriotic War, narrative based
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29706957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spadeK/pseuds/spadeK
Summary: A sketch of the inner conflicts Karamazov brothers were suffering in the wartime.
Relationships: Alexei "Alyosha" Fyodorovich Karamazov & Ivan "Vanya" Fyodorovich Karamazov, Dmitri "Mitya" Fyodorovich Karamazov/Agrafena "Grushenka" Alexandrovna Svetlova
Comments: 6
Kudos: 3





	Truth or Surrender

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [真相或投降](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24694246) by [spadeK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spadeK/pseuds/spadeK). 



> This is an English translation of my own work done by myself. Since so far this is the work I'm most satisfied with all mine in this fandom, I decided to give it more respect.

The news of the fall of Brest Fortress was brought to Moscow by Dmitry, who was stationed there at the time of the battle. The captain, not rectifying himself, rushed to go to Alyosha first, who was shocked by seeing his uniform was riddled with bullet holes, his unkempt hair was so sticky with clots of dirt and blood that his silvery gray hair color was invisible, his eyes were wide with evident hunger, his hands were almost deformed, and his toes were dripping blood from the holes in his boots. However, what made Alyosha feel more gut-wrenching and frightening than this appearance was the look of agony in his eyes that tore him open.

"Brother, are you hurt, are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?" Alyosha brought a basin of water and carefully scrubbed his face.

Dmitry stared at his face for a moment as if he just recognized his brother: "Forget about the hospital, now I shouldn't be alive at all. ..... Two thousand five hundred people, all gone like that! I saw the Germans blast over the battlefield with their heavy artillery, flesh mixing with scorched soil. ..... many of them were the same age as you, Alyosha! They were like my brothers, so I had to be the first to see you. I had always treated them like brothers during my stay, and they called me Mika! They are all dead, and I, the damnedest of them all, am still alive, because I struggled thinking of Grushenka, you, Katya and Ivan, and I didn't want to die because I knew that at least you were still worried about me, and especially Grusha, who I spit in the face of death at the thought that she would weep for me, her fiancé. ..... Or maybe I was not ready to die at all! Ah, how can one die so easily for a victory, let alone a victory in which no one holds out hope? I am a coward who watched my comrades die in vain, unworthy of being a Soviet soldier! It's my responsibility, mine! I am not worthy of them calling me comrade, or brother, or of you praying for me! Alyosha, my angel, I made it to Moscow keeping you in my mind, but I am ashamed to see you. I am a worm, I should be crushed by the Germans! Please despise me. I deserve all the insults!"

Alyosha shook his head and listened quietly, gently washing his brother's hair, and soon the basin of water turned to blood. Outside, as darkness fell, the tension was palpable, and even the young couples who had been out for their usual walks were nowhere to be seen.

"It's over, being a deserter, my whole life is over." Dmitry hung his head in resignation, but for a moment he grabbed Alyosha's hands and pressed them against his chest, sliding from the chair to floor: "Will you disown me as a brother for this, Alyosha? Say it, will you?"

"No. I would certainly prefer to see you back alive than dead, Mitya." Alyosha gazed steadily into his eyes, calming Dmitry down. "Desiring to live is the greatest and most difficult thing in the world, and don't be ashamed that you did it. It is the aggressor who is responsible for the deaths of our comrades, not you! You are innocent. The dead are in heaven, and the glory of God blesses them."

Dmitry wailed, slowly let go of Alyosha's hand, and choked, "Innocent, I am innocent. ..... Alyosha, you are the only one who can free me by saying this! ..... But, but today I dare not go to see Grushenka, I am afraid that she will swear to never marry a deserter! She used to scold deserters harshly ..... I'm going to see her, tomorrow, first thing tomorrow. I'm going to spend the night here, little brother, because I'm afraid I will crash my head onto a wall if I leave you. I can't close my eyes now, and my body hurts like hell!"

"Take off your shirt and I'll do the meds dressing to bandage it." Alyosha helped him remove his shirt, which was almost sticky with flesh and blood, first removing the residue from the wound, washing the blood with water, and then the blood flowed down. The room was filled with the smell of blood, and Dmitry sweated like rain, but gritted his teeth and did not say anything. Looking at his wounds, Alyosha could already imagine the severity of the battle, and what kind of will this man had to survive in that situation, all the way to Moscow! It was a hundred times harder than death, which is incredible.

"How is Ivan? And Katya?"

"Vanya got into a tug-of-war with Katerina Ivanovna and recently quit his job. Now he has locked himself for two weeks, refusing any visitor." Alyosha tried to gently disinfect the wound on Mika's back with alcohol.

"Not even you?"

Alyosha was silent. Dmitry promptly comforted him, "Don't worry, Ivan is contemplating. Wasn't he beling like this when he had an inner crisis before? Just in a few days he will work it out. I'm not even seeking death, let alone Ivan. As for Katya, she's always fighting with herself and only afterwards is she clear. They will be fine."

"But right now the Germans are about to take our home!" Alyosha blurted, inadvertently his hand slipped and touched the wound, at which Dmitry hissed and drew cold air.

"So what, even if Moscow is razed to the ground tomorrow and the whole nation turns into an ocean of corpses, what does it matter to Ivan and his contemplation?" Dmitry answered with a slight sarcasm, shaking his head. "I don't know him well enough, but I could sense that he never really loves anyone except you.....his pride won't allow giving his life for something that is not proven by rationality."

Alyosha silently applied the medicine to his brother's bandage. A short while later, he said, "Tomorrow I will have the last class for kids, and then I will go to Ivan."

"When you see him, tell him that Dmitry is a deserter. It's enough for him to know I'm alive. I can't take his arrogance." Dmitry said, lying down on Alyosha's single size bed and snoring off to sleep.

He probably hadn't fallen asleep like this in a long time. Alyosha sat down on a chair, touching the cross necklace inside his collar and praying for Mitya.

***

The next morning when Alyosha woke up in bed, Dmitry had already left, leaving him a message on the desk: "Alyosha, my angel, I'm going to meet Grushenka, see you later today. Send my greeting to kids. Be patient with Ivan and love him. Kiss you, D. Karamazov."

Oh, so it was Dmitry who woke up earlier and took him to bed.

The streets were crowded, the stores were busy closing, and the radio shouted over and over, "The Germans are less than 100 kilometers from Moscow. There is an urgent need to form militia divisions, bomb squads, tank-destroying squads, and emergency medical units, so get in line at the registration office! Comrades, let's unite together and defend our capital!"

So soon? Alyosha halted, hesitating if he should still go to the school, as his colleague Karganov ran up to him, grabbed him by the sleeve and shouted, "The school was just closed, the children have gone home. What's your plan, Alexei? I'm going to the registration office, join me?"

"Later. I need to find my brother first." Alyosha nodded at his friend and ran quickly to Ivan's apartment.

Karganov's voice trailed behind him, "This is a matter of survival!"

Below the apartment building where Ivan lived, Katerina Ivanovna was wandering anxiously. Upon seeing Alyosha, she called out, "Alexei Fyodorovich, do you know where Ivan is?"

"He's not home?"

"His landlord just told me he checked out this morning and left."

Alyosha froze, his mind going blank - is it too late after all? For some reason, a sudden rush of anger, loss, and sadness came over him, so much that his eyes were sore and he covered his face with his hands. The noise around him seemed deadly silent for a moment, and he even forgot that Katerina Ivanovna was still standing in front of him.

Thinking for a long time alone, then suddenly cutting off contact with everyone and disappearing without words - Ivan had done this before, but this time Alyosha had the unreasonable feeling that Ivan would not really come back, he must have made some important decision, otherwise he would have had time to say goodbye to Katerina ...... and the looming war... war .....

"Are you all right?"

"I'm going to find him!" Alyosha waved goodbye to Katerina Ivanovna and went through the crowd, going from Ivan's previous workplace, to the largest bookstore in Moscow, to the banks of the Oka River, and even to the tavern where they had discussed The Grand Religious Inquisitor, but there was no sign of Ivan.  
You can't just go away, not without bidding me farewell, not without letting me know what's going on in your mind. Alyosha thought stubbornly. Vanya, if you are really going to break the wineglass, at least let me reach you before that.

"I'm not even seeking death, let alone Ivan." Dmitry's words echoed in his head as Alyosha walked home, constantly convincing himself. As the clouds rolled over the canopy, the late autumn chill was ignored, and the people around him hurriedly walked, talking about forming militias, some of whom had already received brand new equipment. Old people, middle-aged people, young girls. Alyosha had no choice but to put off looking for Ivan, and went home to get his ID to sign at the registration office.

Tripped over at his door by luggage, he found Ivan Fyodorovich sitting by his bedside with Dmitry's message in his hand, obviously waiting for him for a long time.

***

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Alyosha rushed directly to Ivan, blushing and gasping for breath. "Katerina Ivanovna was waiting at your door early in the morning. I've been looking for you in Moscow for hours!"

"I've been waiting here for you for hours! You left the door unlocked this morning." Ivan, seemingly angrier than he was, threw the message away. "What did Dmitry tell you?"

"That he is alive as a deserter." Alyosha answered truthfully.

Ivan smirked, "So are you ashamed of having such a big brother?"

"No." Alyosha spoke firmly. "To love life over the meaning of it, that's what you told me two years ago in the tavern."

"What about me, are you ashamed of me?" Ivan pursued.

"Of course not! Vanya, what makes you think so?" Alyosha appeared to be sorrowfully angry.

"I came today to bid you farewell, Alyoshka." Ivan suddenly shifted the subject and looked at his brother. "I am now a staff officer in Marshal Zhukov's department, and I am going with him to Leningrad."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight, Leningrad? God bless you!" Alyosha slammed back against the wall, gazing at Ivan's pale, slim face and sparkling eyes. "That city is in blockade and thousands of people are starving to death per day! And what about Moscow, what about everything here?"

Ivan remained indifferent. "I'm well aware."

"What about Katerina Ivanovna, don't you even care about her anymore?" Alyosha sadly asked aloud.

"Do you have any idea what I've been doing for the past two weeks?" Ivan seemed to find his question ridiculous. "I reread the works of Marx and Lenin, the military writings of the German Marshals --to defeat your enemy you must first patiently dissect him. I was drawing diagrams and studying the situation on the battlefield, intending to join the staff. As Zhukov was recruiting, he asked me a few questions and hired me. Do you think I was depressed, obsessing with the dramas with Katerina Ivanovna? Don't be silly, it's not worth my time. I didn't see you because I knew you'd talk me into it; there's no guarantee I wouldn't be swayed if you were the one persuading me not to go. But now everything is too late and I'll be on the run."

Alyosha listened quietly.

Ivan continued, "Even if there is no way out of thinking, even if I don't believe in anything, I will never surrender to it all. Little brother, when a man is in a desperate situation, he usually has two choices: surrender or die; for me, there is only truth or surrender. Truth still remains mysterious yet, but I'll never surrender to Satan or the aggressor. As a human being I don't surrender to God, and certainly not to Satan. Everything is permissive, which I deduced through The Grand Religious Inquisitor. You witnessed the process yourself two years ago. Now I pursue misery and war, not because I desire dreamy sacrifice feat, but because I have no other choice!"

"Ivan, this is why you fight--having no other choice?" Alyosha looked him in the eye. "Do you love your homeland?"

"I do." Ivan leaned over and held his hand, flame burning in his eyes. "As illogical as it is, oh, it all doesn't make sense! It's not logical for me to live, or to love some people! To hell with it. You may say love is the motive for everything, but I think that sometimes love is not enough. Choosing to fight against the invaders doesn't mean I choose my homeland at the same time. ..... I hate people killing each other to achieve some great unification, as if everything was planned! I'm going to break it, as a challenge to practice my thinking! Alyoshka, you should be happy for me that I have finally taken a step forward in practical action."

Tears suddenly blurred Alyosha's eyes. A small smile appeared on his lips, but his voice was broken, "I am happy, but not for your impending misery or unknown fate. With your brilliant mind, where in this world can't you go? If you say it's for the happiness of human race, it doesn't make me feel any better than if it's for the practice of thought. All I care about is you."

Ivan became startled by his tears, speechless for a moment.

"Why you gotta be so cold to what you love?" Alyosha said warmly and capriciously, rather recklessly, "Ivan Fyodorovich, you love some people, and you know that they love you too. Can they watch you torture yourself, even to death, and remain indifferent? You don't know what it's like! You love wisdom so much that you're ready to throw off your shackles and give yourself to greater freedom. ..... You never care if what you love is within its price! ”He choked up and took hold of Ivan's shoulders, letting some heartfelt force dictate his words. "You know, every time we see each other I treat it like it's the last time. But this time I have to say it.....no one knows what will happen in wartime, and even if you will hate me for it, I will still say it aloud..... Katerina Ivanovna loves you, Dmitry loves you very much, and you love them too - you don't admit it out of pride. Isn't it a dreamy feat for you to drop these words to me today and to throw everything away here, only to practice your thoughts and freedom? But Vanya, it's heartbreaking ..... What about blue skies, summer, graves, and beloved women? What about those green leaves? Two years ago on the tavern steps, you asked me if your confession was enough for me ..... So now I ask you, if anything can keep you, am I enough for you, am I?"

Before Ivan had time to process this, he clung to Alyosha and kissed him wildly on the lips. An athesist drank in the kingdom of Heaven, as mad as a lover, desperate and forgetful of all. Alyosha was amazed at his devastating emotion - the last time he had seen Ivan lose his contorl was in the courtroom of the patricide trial two years ago. He kissed him back, although he did not understand his own feelings at the moment, even less Ivan's ......

"Alexei, be happy for me, Grushenka said yes! She is my sun!" Dmitry's loud passionate voice came across the room, and in a haste Ivan pushed Alyosha away as Dmitry pushed through the door. Smile froze on his face when he saw him, "Ivan?"

Ivan fixed his collar, picked up his luggage and strode out the door. As he passed Dmitry, he exhorted coolly, "Take care of Alyoshka for me."

Dmitry was about to rush out after him when Alyosha called out, "Let him go, Mitya, there's nothing can stop him. I've tried."

"Where is he going?"

"Leningrad. Ivan is now a staff officer of Marshal Zhukov."

Alyosha wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth and found his ID, "Congratulations, Mitya. But now I'm going to sign up for the militia at the registration office. The Germans won't give us much time."

Recalling Ivan's last words, his guilt of being a deserter before was suddenly gone. Dmitry nodded at Alyosha, "I'll join you."

Ninety kilometers away, a torrent of German steel rumbled forward.

***

The urgency and enthusiasm to defend Moscow was beyond imagination. Within three days, citizens had assembled 120,000 militia divisions, 169 street fighting groups, and hundreds of demolition tank squads. About 450,000 men were involved in building fortifications, and 100 miles of trenches were soon built on the outskirts of Moscow. 

The German offensive slowed and the interruptions of artillery fire outside the city became longer and longer. As night fell, citizens simply slept in their coats in the trenches and continued to take up arms as dawn broke the next day.

Alyosha's clothes were covered with dust. On the ground, scorched by the day's artillery fire, the breathing of hundreds of people rose and fell, a mixture of exhaustion, determination, and fear. There was the lullaby of a mother singing softly, and the crunch of bottles clinking - men who could not sleep was bracing themselves for tomorrow, or for an eternal farewell that could not be foretold. The blueness of the sky and the hazy starlight, a little bit through the black smoke, though coming from such a distant universe, stil brought people hope for no reason. Alyosha rested between his arms and looked up, as if he could make out the outline of a constellation. Wondering if it could be viewed more clearly from Leningrad, he couldn't help but fondle the cross necklace on his neck.  
"What keeps you from sleep?" Dmitry came and lay down beside him, reeking of alcohol. He followed Alyosha's gaze.

Alyosha made room for him. "Something that has nothing to do with life or death."

"Little philosopher! Let me guess, God's salvation? Immortality of the soul? A love of the earth?" When Alyosha shook his head, Dmitry stopped joking. "Or Ivan?"  
Alyosha withdrew his gaze from looking up at the stars and sighed softly, "You hear the daily news from Leningrad, brother. But I'm more worried about Ivan's pain than his life or death."

"Perhaps pain is what Ivan pursues, which is the question I've been pondering lately, whether to want superficial happiness or deep pain. How can we truly love each other if we don't understand each other's pain? Little brother, you can't talk to someone like this: 'I love you, but only the pleasure in you and the happiness it offers me. I don't care or need your pain.' No way! Love is dignified. If you can't love someone purely and completely, then don't talk about love at all."  
"To love happiness, but also to love pain ....." Alyosha murmured and repeated, asking. "So can the two coexist?"

Dmitry looked around, "Of course, all the people here, including you and me, don't they coexist in us?" He changed his posture and leaned closer to Alyosha, "Let's talk back about Ivan. At this moment he is so far away from me, but how I long to comprehend him! You two have always been closer. Tell me, why did he refuse love and happiness with Katya?"

"I think it's because of his ego. Also, he doesn't believe in her love," Alyosha replied hesitantly, "but I sometimes feel that he doesn't love her enough, or hasn't loved her at all. I don't know ..... I feel that he wants happiness, probably more than anyone else, though he arrogantly trampled it underfoot all the time."  
"Definitely he wants it! Happiness is the highest human pursuit, the answer to everything! No more sublime than this." Dmitry couldn't help but raise his voice, ecstasy rushing to his cheeks. "Ivan longs for happiness. I'm so glad to know that."

Alyosha, however, did not look relaxed. "Yet he does not yield - he will not surrender to the happiness of charity unless he achieves it by his own triumph over misery. But the only thing that can overcome misery is happiness, even if it's superficial, even if it's only a little..... I am not sure that Ivan understands."  
"Yes, Alyosha." Dmitry looked up into the night again and sighed bitterly, "Ivan would rather overcome misery with his own pain than accept the happiness of charity. Alas, I wonder how long this cruel pride will stop tormenting him."

Alyosha stopped talking to look at the starry sky with his brother, and suddenly the image of Ivan appeared in his head - the snow is falling down on him, that light smile is still on his handsome, slim face, but his brows are relaxed, and his eyes are no longer filled with the familiar pain, yet instead with a vigorous light, full of tenderness.

I believe in your soul. Alyosha thought, sleeping peacefully under the starlight.

END.


End file.
